Why can't my life have a happy ending for once?.What it is.
It's a project of *bewarecalamity and ~SesshysRose where 100 not very popular artists get featured by as many people as possible. I am one of the "revolutionists". If you are as interested in it as I was/am, go to *The100DProject.
I am the Event Coordinator of the project and therefore part of the staff. If you have any questions about the project or about me, don't hesitate to ask!!
.Previous Features.
I'll keep a list of the features here.
#1 ~kubawojewoda Featured here
#2 ~tommy-th-cat Featured here
#3 *NADIAwicker Featured here
#4 *papaspaulding Featured here
#5 *charmedy Featured here
#6 ~Arany Featured here
#7 ~Kleemass Featured here
#8 *E-Mann Featured here
#9 ~AnthonyFoti Featured here
#10 *SouthernMan Featured here
#11 ~Rovi-Jesher Featured here
#12 ~Badkarma87 Featured here
#13 ~jondean Featured here
#14 ~kittykittyhunter Featured here
#15 =angrymouse Featured here
#16 ~hunnd Featured here
#17 ~LelaRae Featured here
#18 ~Drawing-You-In Featured here
#19 *BjorklundPhotography Featured here
#20 ~NeoWorm Featured here
#21 ~uvikidd Featured here
#22 ~neuhaus20 Featured here
#23 ~MissCarriage Featured here
#24 ~Prince-Poison Featured here
#25 ~Enr-Sacrum Featured here
#26 ~Lawnz Featured here
#27 ~m4g1c4lm3 Featured here
#28 ~molokolo Featured here
#29 ~gougoune Featured here
#30 ~eepedeep Featured here
#31 ~laurentdudot Featured here
#32 ~Flotograf Featured here
#33 ~doanminhman Featured here
#34 ~shi-chahn Featured here
#35 ~GatoMiguel Featured here
#36 ~KrinoSpirit Featured here
#37 ~Boui34 Featured here
#38 ~ivelin Featured here
#39 *dalantech Featured here
#40 ~peacerock Featured here
#41 ~intents2000 Featured here
#42 ~EenPaddestoel Featured here
#43 ~relashio Featured here
.New Feature.
New idea. Now there are 11 features a month. Here is July.
44. ~maximumunicorn
Bath
45. *Creedysgirl
Wet
46. ~avalon1967
Top Mountain High
47. *OkTaYBiNGoL
The Friendship IV
48. ~Illuminatiproduction
Apple
49. ~BethlehemLights
Ghost Stories
50. ~latticeworkopines
Mountain II
51. *thesynchronicitygrid
..:Supernal:..
52. ~xhannahsoncrackx
Behing Blue Eyes
53. ~SilentKW
We Die Only Once
54. ~BambooStalker
Cailloux The Owl
All very talented artists with different main categories. A little bit for everyone!
News
.Random Deviant.
I stole $lolly's idea.
I decided that I am going to feature 5 random deviants with every journal that I update.
Here are today's random deviants:
THERE IS NO MORE "RANDOM DEVIANT" BUTTON?!?
If I'm mistaken and just too stupid to find it, let me know. But I simply can't find it anywhere!!!
Don't know what a random deviant is? How about checking out this:
[link]
.Personal Stuff.
Ok, so things have gotten a lot more complicated. But first other things.
The family is really cool and the child is a real cutie. So far I haven't had any problems, they payed on time, and I even have a lot more time off than I expected.
For the first couple days I had Rianna, the aupair that was here before me, with me so she showed me around and told me what to do and such. It was really nice and she is great! We went out together and had a fun night in central London! We met a guy from Canada who was awesome and payed for the whole night. He must have spend at least £150 while he was with us!! Cabs, drinks, entrance fees...all quite expensive here, you see.
Anyway, so that was all fun and I'm quite happy here. I can pretty much do whatever as long as I'm here when I have to work and treat the kid good. My room is quite big and I have a double bed and my own TV and dvd player. I brought my laptop and can use the internet with it here. But I can also use their laptop too which is cool and quite handy when I'm downstairs and just want to check my E-mail. The area here is also really nice and I take literally 5 minutes to walk to the dock nearby. It's really pretty and a good place to think. It's generally a quiet area since it's a private road, apart from the trains and planes since we're living right next to a tube station AND the central London airport. But I can't complain. It's not too loud.
Now the complicated part...well Paul is single again and that kind of made things a lot more complicated. I want to go out with him, he doesn't want to go out with me. It's all been quite complicated. I took a few days off from him meaning I didn't text, ring, chat, or anything to/with him. It's been really hard and I decided it didn't help any so I rang him up last night asking the one question that's just been on my mind for so long. Why not? What's so bad about me that he doesn't want to be with me?
He said basically what I thought already but didn't want to hear. He loves me, he needs me, and he doesn't want to lose me..so he doesn't want to risk being in a relationship with me in case it doesn't work out, we break up, and I'm gone because then he'd be all alone.
He meant it. I know he did. He was crying while he told me.
But I just don't see us going back to what we used to be. Not after everything that happened. I mean, for god's sake, we can't even spend a night together in the same bed without anything happening. I told him how I don't see myself getting over him unless I completely erase him from my life and to be honest, that's the last thing I want. I'm so clueless on what to do now. I've been so depressed and just plainly bored these past couple days. And the worst thing is that I have today and tomorrow off and I have nothing to do. I don't even know if I should just say "ok, let's be friends..." because the pain I put myself through when seeing him with other girls is nothing compared to being here all by myself and just wanting to talk to him so badly. God, I know I sound pathetic. Loads of my friends have told me that I'm an idiot and to "grow the fuck up and deal with it" and I know they're right. I'm quite conscious about being stupid. But I just don't know what to do. I love him. I don't want to lose him. And I know for a fact he loves me. I know that he's just as miserable as me. And I at least have some other people to talk to. He doesn't. Most people don't understand that. They take everything he does as "he's being a dick" when really he doesn't mean it that way. I know, I sound like some wife that gets beaten up and says "he only does it because he loves me" but it's not that way. It truly isn't. He's just "unstable" as he said himself. I don't know...I guess it's just that I want to be with him, which basically I have been already, but I want it to be official. Maybe just because when I say I'm single I don't feel like I am and when I see him with other girls I keep on thinking "he's mine" and such. I hate my life sometimes.....
What do you guys think?!
Will update random deviants once I find the button for it again!!
That's all! Hope everyone else is doing alright.
Take care everyone!!
I love you all! Carla
Hopeless
Devious Comments
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~~ [link] Sacred Dreams Custom Beadwork
~~ [link] My Etsy Beadwork Site
All I can say is that I think you will figure out what you need to do. Sometimes the things that we want so badly are too hard to grab right then, they're slippery and twisty and sneaky and do things to hurt you (unintentionally) and all you can think is 'but I love you.' and cry. And sometimes the crying helps, but mostly not. Mostly it makes you more miserable and less in tune with whatever it is you need to be in tune with. And sometimes what we think we want so badly turns out to be nothing of the sort. Sometimes we get close to someone and discover that we dislike them, and ourselves, when we're together. And sometimes we're just too scared to take a chance. Sounds like Paul's too scared to take a chance. So I think maybe you should back off a little. Let him know that you care, that you will always care, but that you're willing to give him some time to come to terms with his own self before trying to also come to terms with being together. I know it's hard, oh good grief do I know, but sometimes letting the person you love have some breathing room is the only thing you can do to help them come to a decision - and sometimes that decision isn't what you want to hear. If it's not...I'm sorry. If it is, nothing makes you happier.
Good luck sweetie.
--
~TheRabidFangirlClub *da-mentors
Anyway, the job is really great and I think it should stay that way. Though I really need to start getting a hobby so I don't lay on the couch all day watching Tv, getting fatter.
anyway, hope you're doing alright.
--
Need help? You'll find it at *here-to-help!!
Official promoter of ~magicalfangirlsclub!!
Event Coordinator of *The100DProject!! Check it out!
I've actually grown quite a bit and you know, the funny thing is, everyone said "take a break from him" and I did and it didn't help. I kept on wanting him, thinking about him, missing him, loving him...and then I thought, screw this, and went back to him. Started talking again, texting again. And since then I've outfallen being in love with him more and more. He's done so many things to hurt me and so many things where he was plainly being an ass. And I needed all that. I needed the pain he put me through. I needed the tears. Because that made me realise, that if he's able and willing to do that just to make himself better, then he's not worth all my love. He's supposably in love with his exgf which only proves that he has never been in love because what they had, wasn't love. she kissed 9 other guys while they were going out ...or at least "kissing" is what she said. he told her we "kissed" ..and he was quite upset when he realised she might have been lieing about that just like he was lieing about me and him. But anyway, a girl that's in love doesn't go off kissing other guys. And she even kissed a guy who has a gf!! so yeah, i really, really, really don't like her. and he's so much better off without her.
anyway, he made up his mind. he doesn't want me. so screw him. i know at least 6 guys who would quite happily go out with me. and that are only the ones in this country.
I hope you get out of your situation soon!!
--
Need help? You'll find it at *here-to-help!!
Official promoter of ~magicalfangirlsclub!!
Event Coordinator of *The100DProject!! Check it out!
--
~TheRabidFangirlClub *da-mentors
--
~~ [link] Sacred Dreams Custom Beadwork
~~ [link] My Etsy Beadwork Site
--
Need help? You'll find it at *here-to-help!!
Official promoter of ~magicalfangirlsclub!!
Event Coordinator of *The100DProject!! Check it out!
--
Need help? You'll find it at *here-to-help!!
Official promoter of ~magicalfangirlsclub!!
Event Coordinator of *The100DProject!! Check it out!
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