100D Project

.What it is.
It's a project of *bewarecalamity and ~SesshysRose where 100 not very popular artists get featured by as many people as possible. I am one of the "revolutionists". If you are as interested in it as I was/am, go to *The100DProject.
I am the Event Coordinator of the project and therefore part of the staff. If you have any questions about the project or about me, don't hesitate to ask!!

.Previous Features.
I'll keep a list of the features here.

#1 ~kubawojewoda Featured here
#2 ~tommy-th-cat Featured here
#3 ~NADIAwicker Featured here
#4 *papaspaulding Featured here
#5 *charmedy Featured here
#6 ~Arany Featured here
#7 ~Kleemass Featured here
#8 *E-Mann Featured here
#9 ~AnthonyFoti Featured here
#10 *SouthernMan Featured here
#11 ~Rovi-Jesher Featured here
#12 ~Badkarma87 Featured here
#13 ~jondean Featured here
#14 ~kittykittyhunter Featured here
#15 =angrymouse Featured here
#16 ~hunnd Featured here
#17 ~LelaRae Featured here
#18 ~Drawing-You-In Featured here
#19 *BjorklundPhotography Featured here
#20 ~NeoWorm Featured here
#21 ~uvikidd Featured here
#22 ~neuhaus20 Featured here
#23 ~MissCarriage Featured here
#24 ~Prince-Poison Featured here
#25 ~Enr-Sacrum Featured here
#26 ~Lawnz Featured here
#27 ~m4g1c4lm3 Featured here
#28 ~molokolo Featured here
#29 ~gougoune Featured here
#30 ~eepedeep Featured here
#31 ~laurentdudot Featured here
#32 ~Flotograf Featured here
#33 ~doanminhman Featured here
#34 ~shi-chahn Featured here
#35 ~GatoMiguel Featured here
#36 ~KrinoSpirit Featured here
#37 ~Boui34 Featured here
#38 ~ivelin Featured here
#39 *dalantech Featured here
#40 ~peacerock Featured here
#41 ~intents2000 Featured here
#42 ~EenPaddestoel Featured here
#43 ~relashio Featured here
#44. *maximumunicorn Bath
#45. *Creedysgirl Wet
#46. ~avalon1967 Top Mountain High
#47. *OkTaYBiNGoL The Friendship IV
#48. ~Illuminatiproduction Apple
#49. ~BethlehemLights Ghost Stories
#50. ~latticeworkopines Mountain II
#51. *thesynchronicitygrid ..:Supernal:..
#52. ~xhannahsoncrackx Behing Blue Eyes
#53. ~SilentKW We Die Only Once
#54. ~BambooStalker Cailloux The Owl


.New Feature.
New idea. Now there are 11 features a month. August is coming as soon as I find out who it is. --- Same to September...no idea what's going on.

News
.Random Deviant.
I stole lolly's idea.
I decided that I am going to feature 5 random deviants with every journal that I update.
Here are today's random deviants:
THERE IS NO MORE "RANDOM DEVIANT" BUTTON?!?

If I'm mistaken and just too stupid to find it, let me know. But I simply can't find it anywhere!!!

Don't know what a random deviant is? How about checking out this:
[link]

.Personal Stuff.
So it seems I joined the list of people that got their heart broken to an amount that they can't take it any longer. I basically haven't actually stopped crying since last night, apart from the few hours of sleep that I got because my body wasn't strong enough to stay awake.
I'm sitting here, weeping, with tears rolling down my cheek and all I want is to wake up and have this all be a nightmare. Have people jump out of their hiding places and say "ok, joke is over!". Have him ring me and say all the things I need him to say in order for things to be right again. But it's not happening. And the more time passes, the more I realise that and the more it hurts. I'm all alone now. I don't have any friends here. I only really talk to one other person here in this town and he's too annoyed of me to want to see me and even if he did see me he'd just get annoyed if I started crying in front of him, again.
I told him it's over. I wrote him a message saying I can't do this anymore and that I'm going. I packed up all his stuff that I still have here and told him I'd drop it off at some time. I deleted him from my friends list on facebook. And I haven't been in this much pain, ever, that I can remember. People said it's better for me, but I don't feel better. I feel worse than ever. And yeah, "give it time" but I don't want to wait. I want to be happy. now. I want him back. I want things to be the way they used to be. I want to stop crying. I want to text him, ring him, see him, hug him, be with him. But I can't. And it hurts so much. So incredibly much. I never expected things to be this hard. Then again, I never expected things to end. At least not like this. I did my best but it wasn't enough. And now what?! I have no idea.
I'm so lost. So alone. So lonely. So upset. So in pain. And I don't know what to do. The only thing that keeps me going at the moment is the fact that in one week I'm going to be in Germany for a few days. At least there I know I won't be alone. But it's only for a week and then I'm back here. And it's so hard to go out and find new friends when you really just want to either be with that one person, or with nobody at all.
I'm not even going to get into what happened because some of you would just hate him and some of you would understand him and I've had all different sides already reflected in my friends and I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear how none of it is my fault and it was all him being a dickhead that used me. I don't want to hear how you understand him and how it's all my fault because I did everything wrong. I don't want to hear how everything will be fine and things will get better. I don't know what I want to hear. I just know that I needed to tell someone so here I am. I don't even expect any replies. I've had a lack of comments in the past months so why should that suddenly change? I'm just writing down how I feel because this is the one place that I have left. The one home that I know I can go to when I'm in pain.

Anyway, my birthday was alright though pretty fucked up. Then again, my whole life has been fucked up. Majorly.

I don't want to wake up anymore. I don't want to be alive anymore. I don't want to sit here and pity myself and feel sorry for myself and hate myself and want to kill myself anymore. I hate what I am but I don't have the strength to help myself. Not at the moment anyway. I feel like someone died. No, I feel worse than when someone died. Someone left. He's still there, just not, here. Where I would need him. And it's so much worse than just knowing they are gone for good.

Anyway, I need to start to pull myself together because I can't have a one and a half year old see my tears and feel my pain. She's too young. She'll find out how much hurt and pain life has ready for everyone soon enough.

So I'll catch up with you all later. I'm sorry for this rant. But if I can't let it out here, I can't let it out anywhere.

Take care, my dearests!!!

Will update random deviants once I find the button for it again!!

That's all!
Hope everyone else is doing alright.
Take care everyone!!

I love you all!

Carla